Waking Up, "Boy" Style

Waking the animals is always an interesting proposition at our house.  One never knows if they'll be greeting by a giggle and smile, or thrashing and gnashing of teeth.  However.  Most do not expect to start their day with a gas mask.

Me: Stanky, wake up! (tickle, tickle, pull sheets off)
Stanky: Hmfph umph ugh (rolls over & sticks butt in air - I should have abandoned ship)

Me: (smacks butt-in-air) Time to wakey wakey!  (still patting bootie) C'mon dude, time to get dressed and - wait, did you just fart into my hand?
Stanky: (grunts & groans, then flops over to end of bed, impressively breaks wind - we're talking like, college-boy beer-farts here people)
Stanky: (laughs like maniac) Maybe you should just tape my butt shut instead of wakin' me up huh mom?

Grumpasaur chooses that moment to tune in, gaping incredulously at middle child.

Me: Whaaaaat?  Seriously Stanky?
Grumpasaur: Did he really just say that?
Stanky: My job's done. Can you turn my show on?

Fun times.  Fun times.

Crafty McCrafterson

I've been immersed in projects lately.  When I did Drama's desk last summer, I started sanding down my bedside table - an adorable little provincial re-pro.  I never finished it, and just threw an old sheet over my mess until a few weeks ago. 

I don't have a "before" shot of this because, well, I just don't ok?  But I DO have an 'after'. 

I finished the table in a black satin, with the details highlighted in a smoky blue (which seems to photograph bright white, but whatever).  There she is!  Isn't she pretty?  I smile every time I see her sitting next to my bed, with my fugly lamp and cute depression glass bowl gracing her top.

Once Grump saw the finished project, he finally understood my vision for our room, and got on board the project train.  Since we only have 2 pieces of furniture that match, I've been itching to re-do all of our stuff to coordinate.  I'm so not matchy-matchy, and Grump is, so we've had this stalemate going for quite a number of years.  (The fact that we can't really afford new matchy furniture is irrelevant.)

So, he brought down his nightstand.  It's a heavy maple piece from the 60's, with eleventy-hundred bamillion layers of laquer on it.  Which I discovered after simply peeling off a water damaged layer to find no damage to the actual furniture itself. 

I decided we needed to strip the laquer off, rather than supporting my ortho doc by sanding and killing our shoulders.  Grump jumped in and took over this nasty job.  I was grateful - it looked like some snotty beast had an allergy attack in our sideyard, what with all the gooey denatured laquer lying around in glumps.  But surprise!  There was a very pretty surface under there!  The wood was exceptionally clear, and I considered just staining it for about half a second. 

Of course, Grump announced that I suck at painting, and so took over the job of spray painting.  Keep in mind, I said the paint was a SATIN finish. 

By the time Grump was through, the SATIN paint was GLOSSY.  I almost wore out my shoulder sanding down the details and stress points for antiquing.  And I had to sand off a couple of layers of paint to just get the finish right.  Oh well, it still turned out really cute.  Except for the hardware we have yet to replace.  The old dirty brass just doesn't look right, and I really detest brass. 

Here's the "new" old nightstand...

I also did a really cute shelf for my sister-in-law & eagerly anticipated nephew.  Standard craft-store pine plate shelf and pine letters, acrylic paints to match her bedding and some leftover wall paint from the baby's room.  I think I spent about $30 for all the materials.  It turned out REALLY cute, which I probably shouldn't say because I totally forgot to take a photo of the finished project.  Of course, I dawdled over this one, and what could have been done in a few hours on a Saturday took me almost 10 hours over about 3 weeks to complete.  I blame the kids.

Now we have a 10-drawer dresser/mirror that matches the nightstand, and an old decrepit waterfall dresser that all need this same attention.  The waterfall dresser is going to need some structural/functional repairs, since the glides and stays for the bottom drawer are missing, and the drawer bottoms are chipping, but that's easy to fix.

I'm also going to repurpose the old head/foot board from the bedroom set as a bench for downstairs.  I'm thinking antique white, maybe with a glazed or waxed finish.  It's a poster-bed, so I'm going to add some cure antique knobs to the headboard posts for hanging coats and hats, and maybe have Dad teach me how to build a box seat so we can have a bit of storage in it. 

Aaand I've decided that I need to do something about our funky kitchen table too.  We talked about buying, but I haven't found a craigslist treasure that I'm willing to pay for yet (I dream of a Duncan or Regency style table, with some mis-matched provicial woven rattan-back chairs, of course, that I can revive to my own style!), so our old one will also be attacked lovingly upcycled.  It's currently an odd 70's pickled oak finish.  I know it's going to be a bear to do, since the barrel pedestal is pretty much solid wood and weighs a ton.  We will also have to tack and glue the leaf in place, since the mechanism that allows the table to expand has been broken since before our last move (not a big deal, because we keep it expanded anyway).  I'm thinking I want to stain the top a dark walnut color, wax the finish, and do the base in either an antique white or black waxed finish. 

I know!  I'm all of a sudden crafty and handy (well, I've been handy for a while, it's more that Grump doesn't LIKE for me to be handy).

The Thing schools Papa

My dad has a no-food-in-the-living-room policy.  Thing is constanly pushing this by toting a sippy cup in there, innocently batting his eyes and explaining that the cup "it hava did papa, see, the did?  So wone shpill."

Wednesdays are "Nana Days" - all 3 maniacs stay with Nana all day, wreaking havoc and eating junk.  So obviously, this happened on a Wednesday.  I know, I'm slow to post.  I've got 3 kids - don't hate!

Papa - Thing, whats that? (points to offending sippy cup)

Thing - Mah shippy cuup.

Papa - Where are you supposed to be?

Thing - Da shichen.

Papa - So...what are you doing with that in the living room?

Thing - (innocent batting of eyes, looks Papa up and down, points to Papa's handful of crackers) What YOU dewin?  You eat dat inna sichen Papa!

Papa - Dang it!  (trudges to kitchen with handful of contraband crackers, only to have half of said contraband confiscated by pint-sized dictator/enforcer)

That is all.

Grumpasaur Grumblings

So, the Grumpasaur recently accomapined the Divasaur on his last first-grade field trip.  To the zoo.  I know!  I sorta maybe rubbed my hands together and maybe even offered up a prayerful thanks to the effect of 'better him than me'.  I know, not very Christian of me, but I'm only human right?  Right?

So, I tried to warn him.  Really I did.  I asked if he was aware that he would not just be hangin with his own kid, strolling thru the zoo on the hottest day of the year to that point.  He assured me that he knew that, but figured he could handle 3 kids, since hey, that's what we have.  Right?  Oh honey, oh so wrong!

I've transcribed the texts verbatim.  Hey!  I laughed ok?  This blog is for MOI, not TOI!

Me, 9 am, 1030 am, 11 am, then I figure, what the shrek - I've got work to do...: Hmm.  I kissed 'em both goodbye hours ago.  I wonder if they are both still alive...

GS, 12:39 pm: O dear god make them stop asking questions!

Me, 12:40 pm: LMAO

GS, 12:40 pm: Everybody had 6, I have 10 little crappers
       12:41 pm: they stuck together really good!  Just won't shut up

Me, 12:41 pm: No. Words.  I have no words!

GS, 12:41 pm: and they listen good which was a shock

Me, 12:41 pm (I know, we txt fast!): :)

GS, 12:43 pm: All but C and G little pain in my asses.

Me, 12:43 pm - thinks, you have two asses?: Ha!  You got those two brats!? LOL

GS, 12:43 pm: I would leave there butts gated up here...with the frekin animals

Me, 12:44 pm: Um, you know C is Divasaurs' bestie right?

And crickets start chirping, the breeze is blowing, and apparently I've ticked him off enough for the rest of the afternoon.  My job here is done suckas!

Babe, you REALLY lettered in softball?

Yeah GS, I did.  Though, it was a very small middle school, and if memory serves we kind of sucked, and I think they may have lettered everyone to make us feel good about ourselves, but yes, I lettered in softball.

GS: Um, so, what happened?  You suck now.

Me: DUH!  That was twenty ahem!3 years ago, and I've like, doubled in size, expelled 3 children, and unofficially boycotted anything remotely resembling exercise that does not involve a sensation of weightlessness since we had Dramasaur.  (shakes head in disgust)

GS: Hmpf.  That's nice.  Practice Sunday afternoon?

Potentially helpful background for those not present in my everyday:

GS and I are playing softball with our church teams.  GS played last year, but I sat out since Thing was still small and we really didn't have a sitter to rely on for those game nights & practices.  And, that was a hugely competitive league and I am SO not about that.

Different league this year, 3 teams with different playing levels.  I'm on the "fun" team.  GS is on the mid-level competitive team.  Then there is the non-cohesive (so far) ultra-competitive team.  GS's team is 1-2, my team is 0-2.  BUT.  We've kept the point spread to a minimum (usually 4), we have a great time, we support the crappus out of each other, and scream like banshees whenever anyone does anything remotely resembling a good play in the interests of supporting one another.  Like I said.  The FUN team.

Thoughts from the Thing

HAI!  I missed you - yes, you...right there in the front. Yeah.  You.  Thanks for coming. 

It's a "school" day - time to wake the Thing and Stanky, as is usual, by a light tickle and kisses.

Me: Wakey wakey wakey!  Time to get ready for school!

Thing: muhhhhhewaashsshtang (rolls to other side of MY bed)

Me: Thiiiiiiiiing!  (tickle tickle, remove wet pull-up)

crickets are chirping, the fan is turning, and nothing else is happening.

Me: THIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!  Wakey wakey! (tickles sides and pinches adorable little toddler butt).

Thing: (again with the rolling away from me - ugh)  Knock it off!  Keepa hans to self, Ise twynda sneep hewer!

Me: crickets are chirping again.  Snort-laugh.  Babe!  Come get your kid up - he's turning into a snotty teenager!

That is all.