Randomness

I can't tell you how much I LOVE coming home to a tidy house, and an empty sink.  I truly adore my MIL and endlessly appreciate all that she's done for us the past month, what with taking care of the THING and WHINEMASTER-Lo, picking up after our slobby asses no matter how many times we tell her not to bother, and dealing with the pee-sheets on a daily basis even though I'd personally rather make #1 sleep in the pee-bed again since he only seems to pee after he wakes up but is just to whuckin lazy to get his bubble butt out of bed and walk 11 steps across the hall to the damn bathroom.


On the flip side...
D-lite has been a WHOPPING HUGE ZERO in the housework help department, as he is no longer required to do the dishes after dinner lest he lose the privilege of a hot meal next day.  And all that clean laundry?  It's piled up on top of the dresser with the other clean laundry that actually got dusty because he never puts it away in the dresser it's sitting on.  Um, 6 inches lower and a simple arm-movement can remedy that situation D-lite.  I think he was a bit proud of himself for remembering trash day this week, although he did forget to empty the compactor in the kitchen, and now the bag is so muthafrackin full and heavy that only a crane could remove it from the bin. 


The boys have morphed into mouthy, entitled monsters.  Well, worse ones.  THING has managed to convince Rama that he needs to have a bottle to take a nap.  So. Not. True.  He's gonna have a rude awakening week after next when he returns to daycare!  WHINEMASTER-Lo has become even more of a garbage disposal of groceries than ever before.  Not sure if it's because he's spending, oh, 90% of his day in front of the boob tube, or because he's making up for all the times he refused to eat because he felt like crap from the thing growing in his butt.  Either way, he's a freakin black hole for food.  And INCREDIBLE, SENSATIONAL, GUINNESS-BOOK WORTHY WHINING!  Seriously!  I have NEVER heard a kid whine more often or with more skill.  Again, rude awakening coming.


Aaaaand the DIVO, #1.  Apparently he's acquired more skills at kindergarten than just reading and writing.  Like say, hmmm, a flailing arm, foot-stomping temper tantrum.  And a screeching, demanding voice to answer any question asked of him, resulting in the need to stop by Von's tonight for more hot sauce (which, by the way, is apparently the only punishment these kids understand lately).  I can't even look at this kid without him screeching "I AM!" at the top of his voice and stomping his feet.  Oh MAUDE I wish his day still included a nap!


Of course, we all know just how sweet and even-tempered I have remained throughout these wonderful evolutions of character.  I totally got my B on this morning when #1 started throwing shoes and yelling at me.  WHINEMASTER-Lo was patiently waiting in the car (Friday is donut day) and informed me that HE wasn't yelling.  Oh. So. Helpful!


And last night was Grey's night.  All I wanted was an hour of peace to watch my show and drink a glass of wine.  D-lite insisted yet again that I am an alcoholic going thru bottles of wine a week (um, this particular bottle had been sitting in the rack for over a month and I had 1 glass!), and went back to the computer in a huff, toting THING when I expressed my displeasure at his repeated bashing of a toy ambulance on the glass coffee table.  As if D-lite NEVER says a cross word to the kids when HIS show is on ;)


Did I mention that I spend WAY tooo much time on FaceBook and it's mind-sucking games per D-lite?  I should be hanging out with him in the living room, bored to manslaughter and watching yet another rerun of The Unit or some other military/gun/car/tattoo show because it's oh-so-much-fun for me to do that when he bites my head off for breathing too loud during the show.


Oh, am I RANTING? (smiles sweetly and bats eyes)


Yeah, I have a hard life, I know.  I had my MIL stay with us for a month so we could save a craptastic amount of $ on childcare and pay off some debt.  I got free housecleaning and laundry-folding for that same month.  I got the creepiness that is someone other than me touching my undies (thank maude she didn't put anything away in my undy drawer or we may never be able to look each other in the eyes again!). 


Can I tell you a secret??  I can't freaking wait to have 3 kids too tired to say boo rather than whine at me, a pile of laundry to fold on the couch and a hubby who puts off doing the dishes until 10 pm because he wants to eat tomorrow.  On that note, I have to go program my cell phone to remind me to pick up Gavin & Papa's b-day cake tomorrow.