Mommyland Kicks Ass

I freakin' LOVE Rants from Mommyland.  And the comments make me laugh so hard I end up coughing like an 80-year old TB patient.  Unfortunately, I cannot post comments from work, so, here are my "Just One Day" wishes:

1. One night where nobody wakes me up insisting that they've peed the bed and have to sleep with me, but everything, including the pull-up, is actually DRY.
2. One morning when I am not awakened with demands for "my shows, apple juice in a sippy-cup warmed up baby-style, and fresh chonies and pants.  Oh yeah.  Pleaaaaaaase!"
3. One day when DH does NOT call me at some point asking what's for dinner, only to sigh and (I'm sure) roll his eyes when given the menu.  Dude, don't ask if you are gonna complain no matter what I say!
4. One day when everyone can find and PUT ON their own damn shoes! 
5. One day when everyone can take off said shoes and put them both in the same spot - gee, don't we have a shoe-shelf by the door for this?
6. One day when I DON'T find a stinky pull-up hidden under a pile of otherwise clean clothes in the closet.
7. One day when Thing lies quietly during diaper changes instead of resorting to the Gator-Rolls-of-Death.
8. One day when Thing does NOT have Defcon-4 level toxic teal-blue waste in the diaper (thanks fruit-snacks!)
9. One day when Divo refrains from correcting every mur.thur.furkin thing Whiney says.
10. One day when Whiney is not terminally wounded by every damn thing Divo says, whether aimed at him or not.
11. No Fake Crying. 
12. No FARTING ON COMMAND.
13. One day when I can watch Star Wars in peace without the constant "Who's that guy?" "What kinda ship is that again?"  "When is Darth Vadar coming?" "If it's called Star Wars, why aren't the stars shooting?"  "Why can everyone but us understand that Baca guy?" 
14. Whiney can wipe his own arse without totally missing the stuff you are supposed to clean away.
15. Everyone can leave me the whuck alone while I am cooking!
16. Thing uses his words, other than NO and Uh-Oh.
17. DH can actually assist the children that are up with him at the ass-crack of dawn with dressing and getting some type of food-like substance into their bodies, instead of trucking up the stairs again to wake ME up at the ass-crack of dawn to tell me they need help downstairs and where is his (insert something he had to walk by to get to me here).
18. We can get out of the house ON TIME.  So I am not LATE to WORK. 
19. Work is what I do during the day, when most people work.  I am not at home.  So I can't be answering my phone and looking shit up for you all day.  While I am WORKING.
20. When minions can go to freakin' bed without deciding they need to pee/poop/eat/dance/get nekkid/etc.