What to say?

Well, I could talk about suddenly becoming a single-income household.  But that's no fun.


I could talk about the dog, and her incessant swimming at all hours of the day and night, despite our best efforts to keep her out of the pool.


I could even talk about certain of my children and their propensity for bodily emissions.


But no.  I'm going to explain, yet again, how I, yet again, failed to obtain more than 3 hours of continuous sleep.


Offender #1: The Toddler Bed (dun dun duhhhhhnnnnn!)
   Seriously, Thing is so whacked-out excited to have a bid bed that he cannot be placed in it while awake if you want to have the slightest hope of him remaining where you put him.  Unless, of course, you are ME, in which case you thank your lucky stars you were too lazy to disassemble the crib, and just pull the thing over in front of said toddler bed to block the Things' escape.  AND. IT. WORKS.


Offender #2: Peanut-sized bladders
   Ok, Whiney & Divo have been "trained" for quite a while now.  But all of a sudden, they can't seem to get through a night without one (usually both, ick) of them hosing down the bed in the middle of the night.  Even better?  Several times it's been MY bed, because Whiney keeps sneaking into my room after I put him down at night!  The only thing I hate more than pee-sheets is pee-sheets that have "mysteriously" disappeared until I have to play WHUCK IS THAT SMELL?!


Offender #3: The Man
   I love him, really, I do.  But he's got some sort of heat rash, and apparently the itching drives him to flop about all night like a landed trout, shaking the entire room like a 6.5 quake.  Not exactly conducive to my sleep.


Offender #4: The neighbors' yappy annoying dog
   I love dogs.  I have a dog.  But she rarely barks at night.  This dog?  Whiney farts in his sleep and this dog starts yapping at the noise.  I swear the dog sees ghosts or something.  I wish they would take the darn thing inside, but then they'd have to deal with the noise all alone.  Misery loves company.  Or something.