4 hours of labor

Like I said earlier, I got out of the trunk-or-treat madness at the kids' school.  How you ask?  Well, I'll tell you.

I went to the ER! 

Yup, it was time for another visit to the Emergency Room.  For #3, The Thing, aka Filth-magnet.  His second in the 3 short years he's been alive.

It all started on the ride home from daycare. 

'Momma by dose huwts. I cahnt bweafe.'

I closely inspected his face in the rearview mirror, and noted twin mud-streaks snaking out of his left nostril.  I assumed he had a gargantuan booger, and told him we'd blow his nose at the next light.  He blew, we continued home to pick up a costume and roust daddy.

Costume obtained and daddy rousted, we piled back into the car to head over to pick up the big boys from school, then on to nana's house.

'Momma, I gahdda wok in by dose.'

"Excuse me, WHAT?"

'A wok. In by dose. At schoowul.'

"SERIOUSLY?! Why would you stick a rock in your nose?  Mommy will check your nose when we get to the school"

Sure enough, there was a rock, chillin in his nostril just past the inferior turbinate.  And just far enough in to pose a problem.  Thankfully, I could see that he had airflow, as there were snot bubbles working overtime at the top of the rock.

We collected brothers and arrived at nana's house around the corner.  Daddy showed up and we proceeded to torture our kid attempt extraction.  Now, this isn't our first time with a foreign body up the nose.  With 3 boys, we've seen peas, carrot chunks, rice, my nieces' barbie shoe, cereals of all kinds, legos and fingers up the nose.  We've always been able to extract those things with a minimum of fuss at home.  Not so this time.  After 15 minutes or so of position changes, special lighting techniques and ever-increasing frustration on the part of Grumpasaur (who, BTW, has a fractured rib), we decided it was time to suck it up and head to the ER.

Where Thing became a celebrity of sorts.  I lost count of the number of ER staff who came by and asked to look up his nose.  He thought it was funny when I mentioned it, but that was before the guy who ended up being our nurse walked over and asked him if he could take a look. 
They tried plan A - grab it out with forceps.  FAIL.

• On to plan B - foley cath up the nose, inflate the balloon behind the rock & pop it out.  Monumental FAIL. (This required use of the backboard and straps - Thing was NOT A fan).
• Plan C - suction. Also strapped down. EPIC FAIL. 
• Plan D - suction to move the rock while inserting the foley. Wow - I can't even describe the screaming.
• Plan E - SEDATION.  YES!!! We have a winner Bob! 

Now, I have to mention that our nurse, G, was laughing at me because every time he suggested something, I was assuming the position before he completed his thought.  He finally looked at me and said 'This really isn't your first rodeo, is it?'  Seriously. That's what he said.  I was actually relieved to lay down for a while! 

Once the kid was doped up, we were able to wrap him up in a blanket and have the doctor use a speculum and forceps to pull the thing out.  The poor doc - his hands were shaking so bad!  But, it's done, it's over, we all survived, and we had a little fun messing with a dopey kid for a few hours.

Good times y'all.  Good times.

Actual nose.  Not actual size.

Actual rock.  Actual size.