WHUCK?

Picture this....

Second car back in line at the Panda Express Drive-Thru.  Without warning, screeching, shrieking, absoloutely PIERCING noises erupt from the vehicle.  Said vehicle begins bouncing and jouncing, up and down, side to side.

Meanwhile, inside this bastion of insanity...
     "Mom, is yer winnda wolld up?" asks Whinemaster
     "Yes, Thank GOD!  Otherwise people might think a troop of crazed monkeys was in this car!"

Crazed shrieking is now accompanied by monkey-esqe noises.  Without warning,
     "What kinda munkies?"

I stare in shock before narrowly avoiding total loss of bladder control from gut-busting laughter.  I wonder what the clerk thought when she handed me those kids meals.

It just melts my heart

Disneyland was good.  It was long, and it was fun times.  But the one thing I will remember most had NOTHING TO DO WITH DISNEYLAND.  Other than the fact that we were there when it happened.

Miss Del (my co-worker and honorary grandmother to the boys), had given me some dinero for the boys to buy something from Disney from her for Christmas.  Of course they were overjoyed to have their very own spending money, and spent lots of time deciding just what to get.

Whinemaster opted for two smaller items: Disney Matchbox Jumbo Jet (neon green and covered with the disembodied heads of Mickey, Minnie and the gang) and a Mickey Mouse figurine that he is insisting we somehow put on the Christmas tree as an "Onnahmunt".  He was overjoyed to receive $4.82 change.

Divo spent considerably longer making his choice.  He rejected the offerings at no less than 7 shops before deciding on a really cool light-up light-saber-ish sword thing that will make you dizzy if you stare at it.  Total cost was $10.01, and so he had $10 in change (I supplied the extra penny).

Of course, Whinemaster was upset that HE did not see those "weddy weddy kewl lipe-savors", and commenced the whiney-beggy-borderline-tantrum-y war on mommy's completely sane "I'm sorry honey but you don't have enough money for a sword".

Fast forward about 2 hours, on our way out of the park.  We walk up to the very last vendor of the light-up crap stuff, and the beggy-ness returns.  We look around for something Whinemaster can purchase for his $4.82, and determine that he can afford a necklace if he can get another 18 cents.  Divo has been quietly observing this whiney war for the last few hours and decides the time has come to make his move. 

Just as Whinemaster is about to make his selection and hand over the cash, Divo walks up, brandishing his two crumpled $5 bills.  "Whiney, Whiney, it's okay, I'll getcha that lightsaber."  The look of utter blissful astonishment on my middle son's face was beautiful, as was the aura of pride and accomplishment surrounding my firstborn as he proudly handed over his cash and indicated which sword he wanted for his brother.  Heart Melting.

Whinemaster then thrust his leftover cash at Divo along with a hug.  They both turned away, and noticed their sleeping baby brother.  As one, they turned back to the cart, and got 20 cents from papa for a $5 light up necklace for Thing.  Because he needed something lighty too.

The moral of the story
Just because they try to rip one another's limbs off, bite to scar and basically annoy the living crap out of one another doesn't mean they don't love and take care of each other.  Words can't describe the love and pride I felt in that moment.  Right up until Whiney bashed Divo in the finger with his new lipesabor.

Christmas Cheer. Or not.

I can’t believe there are only 15 days left until Christmas!!! 15! Where the hell did this year go? I mean, seriously, when did time grow wings? I remember when summer and holiday vacations lasted forever, and now they just fly by in a blur of family commitments and juggled schedules.
Of course, that was back in the day when it was Christmas Vacation and not “Winter Break”, and we had Easter Holidays rather than “Spring Break”. At least Thanksgiving is still Thanksgiving. Well, at least until some crazy lefty hanging on by their fingertips figures out how to make that more PC so we don’t offend someone.
I used to love the holidays. Still do for the most part. But man the ATTITUDES of people! I was backing out of a parking stall the other day, conscientiously looking both ways and backing slowly, when, from out of nowhere, this silver Dodge Charger flies up and stops. Mind you, I’m ½ way out of the parking spot by now, and there is a car patiently waiting on the other side.
The jackhole in the Charger starts yelling and gesticulating about how I should be more careful, and how I can’t be saving spots for people and how I almost totaled his car. WHUCK?! YOU are the jackhole who almost side-swiped ME you lame-o! And, to make it better, he followed me to my next stop. I was seriously ready to throw down on this jerk. Of course, then my 3 kids started singing Jingle Bells (well, two did) and he just got back in his car and zipped back out onto the street.
SERIOUSLY? What the hell happened to holiday spirit and good cheer? Oh wait, I know the answer! Consumerism and greed and parents who succumb to their angels’ every whim. I can honestly say that I am not one of those parents. Santa tries to bring the single most wished-for gift on the list, and mommy & daddy do the rest. He’s a busy guy, that Santa, making toys for every kid in the world who believes in him.
Am I rambling? I feel like I’m rambling. I must be rambling.

Anyway. To offset all of this holiday good will, the ‘rents are treating me and the kiddies to a Disney trip this month! And that happy event commences in less than a week! I haven’t told the boys yet. I figure I’ll tell them once we get on the road. They’ve been pretty darn good lately (that naughty list threat works wonders!), but I don’t want to jinx it. Which I’ve probably done by writing about it, but oh well.
So now I’m off to deliver Christmas cheer to some co-workers in the form of next week’s meeting materials. The meeting I don’t have to go to, because I’ll be in DISNEYLAND SNITCHES!

It's THAT time again...

the time of year when everyone and everything is to be joyful and happy and full of glittery-glitz.  Except me, cause I am SO not feeling the holidays this year that it's not even close to being a tiny bit funny.

I've always been "that" mom.  You know, the one who decorates after the Thanksgiving dinner dishes are done.  The one who plays Christmas music while cleaning house without complaint, often with help from my strangely compliant things children.  The one who sweetly coerces the hubs to brave the frosty roof and potential rain to light up the entire front of the house for an astonishing amount of cash and the cache of being the brightest house in the neighborhood.  I'm the one who called ahead to the store and had the exact stuff I wanted put on hold so I did not have to brave interaction with the other completely insane holiday sale shoppers out there. 

Yeah.  That WAS me.  Until this year.

I've got 3 kids under 6.  I've got a full-time job and a husband with at 2-hour commute.  I've got to pay daycare before I can think about getting the Christmas toys out of layaway hock at Toys R Us Hell.  I got rid of my 12-year old K-mart fake-o tree this summer, so I still don't have a tree up, though do hope to remedy that on Thursday.  I don't have a single light on the house either.

And I failed.  Of all the things in the closet, I did at least put out the Advent calendar, and the "elves" have been visiting every night.  Except last Saturday night.  Because I suck enormous hairy donkey testicles and had a huge brain-fart.  I FORGOT.  And poor Divo was crushed becuase the elves thought he was bad and did not bring him any candy so I "had" to use one of my 2 calls to the North Pole to rectify the sich-u-a-shun.  So the elves decided that the boys really were good and brought them goodies at naptime.  Which should have been a dead give-away, but I suppose since I said I was in the garage the whole time cleaning my car and said car is now clean...

So I'm not "In the Mood".  Yet.  I'm hoping, but it could have gone the way of the unicorn.

Not much to say

Which is odd for me.  I always have something to say, usually whether you want to hear it or not!

So, we bought D a commuter-car.  I say 'WE', but I really mean 'HE'.  HE bought the car, but did not get to drive it beforehand, as it was at a tow yard, and they don't just let you toodle on out of the yard and test drive cars.

Picked it up, and on the drive home, he decided he hated it.  GREAT.  Yet we STILL dumped dollars into new tires and a new windshield, and he still hates it.  WHUCK?  Why did we do this?  So now, he's driving the gas-hog truck back and forth every day, and it turns out that, with the recent increase in gas prices around here, I've WAY underestimated the cost of his commute.  Which is just wonderful for the budget.

Aaaaaand, I just had to insure the damn car so we can finally go and get it registered, because even if we sell it, you know it has to "officially" be ours to do so. 

So if anyone is looking for a car that gets great gas mileage I've got one for sale, with brand new tires on it, less than 76 k miles on it, and just waiting for you!

It's over, he's official now.

Okay, so I committed a MAJOR faux pas when posting to FB last week.  In all honesty, I was just so flippin excited and proud and, damn it, USED TO writing the word county that when I tried to type city it just still came out county.  I. Am. SORRY. 

Dlite is now a fire inspector for Tulare CITY Fire.  Which is basically a Captain, but as I was recently informed, they don't go by ranks there so it's just me being snobby and overexcited when I post that tidbit.  WHUCK?

In my most HUMBLE opinion, I cannot be too anything when it comes to my man getting that which he has worked his ass of for for the last, oh, almost 15 years now.  There is no such thing as too proud, too excited, too supportive or anything!  All you people that think so can just SHUT. THE. HELL. UP.

You know who you are.  Well, you probably have not been invited to read my blog, so you really don't know who you are but now I'm rambling and it's over so I'll get over.  It.  Or something.

(shakes head)  Ok, back to reality.

It's Day 1.  So far, so good.  He sounded happy and reluctantly excited over the phone.  As you know, this is not a man given to extremes of emotion, so hearing the muted excitement in the voice was wonderful for me.

STILL SO FLIPPIN PROUD OF YOU D!!!!!  LOVE YOU!!!

National Anti-Procrastination Day

It's November 6th this year, and I'm all for it.  Except that I procrastinated posting this blog and now you may not have time to join the fun, but that's OK.

Wanna see my list (so far)??

1. Fold all the laundry that has been obscuring the living room couch for the last, well, forever.

2. Put away all that nicely folded laundry in the room / dresser / closet it belongs in.
3. Clean out fridge, finding nasty smell in the process. (*note to self: cleaning means bottle of cleaner, sponge/paper towels and actually spraying & wiping each shelf, ledge, bin and crevice while no food items are housed in the fridge. Do not let cleaner freeze on shelves!)
4. Sort landslide of 2,637,984 toys in living room while children nap.
5. Move remaining 6 toys to playroom.
6. Clean boys' (shudder) bathroom. Seriously, if you saw it, you'd shudder too!
7. Find smell in car.
8. Remove all trash, dirty socks, random kid underwear and parts of broken toys from backseat of car.
9. Have car carpets cleaned - hey! this might get rid of the smell!
10. Clean shower/tub in master bath. Have I done this since we moved in?
11. Clean up all nasty little whisker shavings from hubby's sink that drive me insane and look disgusting like little brown maggots.
12. Clean the layer of dust currently stuck to master bath counter and backsplash with hair spray. Not sure what will accomplish this, but I'll try.
13. Get rid of the stuff in my closet I can't or won't wear - it's almost winter - someone else needs it!
14. Bathe the dog so she can come back in the house. Again, it's almost winter, she's overdue for that biannual bath.
15. File all bill stubs, paycheck stubs, and receipts that are currently rendering my desk un-useable.
   15a. Figure out why hubby's jacket is shoved under the roll-top of my desk. AGAIN.
   15b. Sort all old kiddie art & store it away.
   15c. Are you REALLY going to do that hand-shaped turkey foam craft thingie??

And there you have it, my list in progress of things I have been putting off for, oh, about the last 4 years.  Except the car stuff, that's only been the last year or so (it's a new-to-me car).
I'm sure I'll have to put this on the iTouch notes app so I can keep adding to it.  Oh wait!  I've been putting that off!

I think expats have the right idea...

You may or may not know that D was offered a very random, yet very interesting job a few months back.  It is still on the table, we just won't be serving that particular dish up for comment until after the first of the year. 

But I digress.  I have to say, I do a damn good job of NOT getting into politics here on the blog, but after last night, I'm ready to move to Cambodia like the Meanderthals.  It was a choice between non-choices.  I mean, how do you decide who is going to be the lesser of two evils?  JB had his chance, MW well, she's more like AS than many care to admit, but SERIOUSLY? 

Not a bleeding-heart liberal, right or left wing here, just a relatively sane adult who makes her choices based on what she thinks is best rather than what my friends, family, or "party" think is appropriate (need I say I am often at political odds with all of the above?).

You know what really made me sick though?  The number of elected officials who were running un-opposed!!!  SERIOUSLY?!?!  What right do any of us have to bitch and moan if nobody has the schmidt to step up to the plate and make a genuine effort to effect change at the request of the people they profess to serve?!

Ok, I'm done soap-boxing.  Maybe I'll run for office next millenium.

The Delusion of Normal

Great post by Single Dad Laughing.  Felt the need to pass it on today.

SERIOUSLY?!

I've been reading.  Yes!  I know it can be dangerous and all, but I've just got a jones for the written word, in all forms.

So I was reading msnbc today.  Apparently there has been banning of a 4-year old boy from pre-K for growing his hair to donate to Locks of Love, and the whole concept of POLITENESS is out the window and for the birds.

WHUCK?

oh oh!  and we are all helicopter and/or lawnmower parents for making our kids wear jackets when what we should do is make them make an informed decision to freeze their hineys off, rather than BE. A. FREAKIN. PARENT. and just make them.

Um. I did not ask you to get your jacket, I TOLD you to do it, so flippin' do it and quit your whining about it already!  I simply do not have enough hours in the day to add a call from CPS about neglecting my child (i.e. not dressing for the weather) precipitated by school officials taking more time out to be the kid-police when they should be TEACHING, to allow my kid to make an "informed" decision.  I'm a parent, not a friend.

RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: So You Just Had A Vasectomy!

This is SO freakin' timely!!!

RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: So You Just Had A Vasectomy!: "A couple of weeks ago, a mutual friend of ours had a vasectomy. And because I am stupid and immature, I immediately began mentally composing..."

$hit. Literally.

What a whuckin day!  Spent 3.5 hours with 54 kindergartners.  FINALLY justnow got the stinking songs out of my head.  Seriously?  A song about the color blue to the tune of Farmer-in-the-Dell?  Wow.  Who woulda thunk it?

Punkin' patchin' was fun.  Exhausting, but fun.  Hit up the dollar store on the way to work for a few Halloween-y things.  Hit Target for costumes on the way home to pick up the boys, since, as previously posted, Trunk-or-Treat was tonight.

Of course, the boys were high on choc chip & M&M cookies courtesy of Nana.  Refused any sort of dinner, stripped nekkid to don costumes, while I run around trying to change out of my freakin' work clothes.  All between 545 and 601 pm.  Soooo, we made it.  Trunk-or-Treat.  But I thought that was it.  Until we entered the   seventh circle of hell called the multipurpose room at CE.

I can't believe my ears aren't still ringing bleeding.

Got home FINALLY at 8 (an hour past bedtime, whuck?)

THING beelines to the toy area after bath - no big.  Until I see him attempting to feast upon cat vomit.  CAT. VOMIT.  I puked a little in my mouth.

Cleaned that up.  Whatever, poor kitty is old and decrepit.  What's a little cat vomit in the scheme of things?  Until I see the cat POOP.  And notice the office door closed (of course, that's where the cat box lives).  And WHERE, you ask, was THING when I discovered said poop?  Oh, he was picking at the carpet trying to rustle up some green pukey bits until he saw the poop, then it was enlisting Whinemaster (who has the gag reflex of, well, nevermind) to quickly run the toiletpaper-wrapped poop to the bathroom while herding THING away from the interesting squishy lumps on the floor.

Where was Divo during all this you ask?  Upstairs dramatically throwing himself repeatedly on the bed to demonstrate just how tired he was, as it was apparently too tired to eat his dinner but not tired enough to lay his a$$ down and sleep.

D-lite?  Expanding his brain across town.  I can't WAIT until it's his turn to do one of these crazy days alone! But tomorrow, I shall sit stoicly by his side in the Pee Palace, awaiting the ultimate sacrifice.  Or so he says.  Little does he know I'll be dressed as a Momcess tomorrow for Halloween party at work ;)  That should embarrass him.  Maybe not the tiara, but at least the beribboned toilet bowl brush I shall brandish as my royal scepter...

MomFail to the, well, not the rescue!

We all do it.  Slap the snooze button 9 too many times and then rush around blaming the lateness on the kids or the pets or the bus or the weather.  But it was just so cozy in bed this morning, even with little knees shoved up under my kidneys.

Thought I was doing so well!  Kindy snack packed and in car - check.  THING's bottles mixed, packed and in the car - check.  Big kids up, fed, dressed and on way to car - check, check, double-check.  Missing kid - still sleeping!  No wonder it was so quiet!

Run up stairs, scoop kid up, pull one leg out of footie jammies for on-the-fly diaper change, throw kid in carseat.  Run back inside because I'm still wearing my slippers and haven't put a decent shirt on yet.  Grab salvation coffee. 

3 kids in car - check.  Purse & wallet - check.  Shoes on kids - well, mostly check there's some tears and histrionics going on today. 

Divo off to campus club with minimum of fuss - check!!!!

Drive drive drive.  SHIT! says I at Cedar/Herndon.  "Whiny, are THING's shoes on the floor back there?"

"Noooooo and my SHEW is naught WOKING!!! I need some hep...(insert incredibly urgent voice here) PEE PEE PEE PEE PEE PEE!!!!! Mom I gotta GO really BAD RIGHT NOW! You FORGOT to make me go before we left!"

As THING happily flicks milk from the nipple of the bottle he refuses to be weaned from at the whining, pee-filled kid who needs liquid flicked at him like I need pee in the car.  Thank God for cell phones.  Nana can scoop up some shoes in an hour and drop them off.  At least I remembered the extra set of clothes in the diaper bag...

Nothing like a kid going to school in jammies and one ready to pee the car.  Happy Wednesday to me...

*Clipart courtesy of RantsFromMommyLand.  Again.  I just love them!

What do you mean TOMORROW???

So, I've recently (like, just now) realized (been rudely informed) that Halloween is SUNDAY.  As in, like, 3.5 days from this moment.  AND, that tomorrow, in addition to Divo's First Field Trip, the equally fun Trunk-or-Treat event is being held at school.  Which I hear is actually pretty fun for the kids, but is causing me nothing but anxiety. 

Whinemaster has decided he will go as Batman - yahoo!  We already have a costume.  Throw in a couple new accessories and he's good to go.  THING is going as a monkey, cause that's what we've got and he's too little to argue about it.

Divo, on the other hand, has informed us he wants to be a WOLF.  Not really a werewolf (they scare him), but more like the animal.  M'kay, m'kay, now, where the schmidt am I supposed to get an animal wolf costume 3.5, oh, I'm sorry, less than 30 hours before dress-up time that:
a) looks decent and won't MomFail me yet again in the eyes of the PTC PM's, and
b) lives up to Divo's recent unrealistic expectations of just about every freakin' thing

Hmmm?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?  (crickets chirp too loud)

Okay, so he's gonna end up going in a sweatsuit stuffed with fake furn and a headband with ears.  GREAT.  Hi, my name is Julie, aka MomFail.  Feel free to contribute to my anxiety level......NOW.

Growing Pains

Good 'ol Webster's defines growing pains as: 1: pains in the legs of growing children having no demonstrable relation to growth; 2: the stresses and strains attending a new project or development.

If you're old like me (wait, who said that!?) it's a TV show. 

Or it could just be watching your oldest baby enthusiastically board the school bus for the first time, headed off to his very first field trip while you lamely follow behind with the rest of the parents who can't quite let go chaperones in various family-sized vehicles. Which, incidentally, is what I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

It's also getting THE LOOK from said baby - you know, the one that tells you to back the freak off or there's going to be some serious tantrum-throwing and I'll come get you if I need you.  That look.  Which you respond to with your own LOOK that says 'look you little $^&# I brought you in and I can take you out and I don't give a flying freak if your little mafia is looking on I'll do it.  I WILL.  So just watch it bub.'

Let the good times roll!

Love it love it LUUUUHHHHVVVV IT!

Totally stole this from Kate & Lydia over at MommyLand.  I REALLY have to share this with D - just so he knows when to shut the yap and pass the wine.  Or truss the children.  One never knows ;)

Food for thought

I happen to follow several blogs, and the other day I happened across another via the Rants from MommyLand blog.  It's called SingleDadLaughing, and WOW, he's awesome!  Of course, I'm going to post a link to the really incredibly awesome and insightful post that (so far) is my favorite.  Check it out and decide if he's worth your following too:

Single Dad Laughing Blog

Thaaaaat's Right Beeatches!

So, if you know us IRL, you already know that D-lite has an AWESOME new job to start in 2 weeks.  A.W.E.S.O.M.E.  Seriously?  We are over the flipping moon over this!  Like, totally m'kay?

I cannot even describe to you how proud I am of D, or of his tenacity over the last 6 (actually more like 12) years.  True, sometimes his integrity makes me want to yank it out and bash it over the head with a sledgehammer, but it's his, and, while it really did may have hindered his ability to promote, it's part of the reason I love him so much and part of why he got this job.

Integrity can be a bitch.  It makes you refuse to a$$kiss (severely edited since I don't know everyone who reads this crap and I don't want to burn any bridges for him!) and work just thatmuch harder to get where you want KNOW you are supposed to be.  It also makes you bite your tongue in half when faced with jackholes on a regular basis who don't know half what they think they know, and less than 1/4 of what you know.  But they are your "superior".  Bitches.

And things are already different.  He's not so snarky.  His review of "The List" is now done with laughter and a smirk, rather than reviewed with defeat.  He plays with the kids more.  We talk more.  He's HIM again.  And it's great.

And apparently this is a BIG F'n DEAL - there's a whole flippin' CEREMONY for us to attend where he gets his badge and accoutrements the Friday before his first day.  He gets to go shopping for uniforms without me worrying how the hell we are going to pay for them.  We don't have to worry about finding the cheapest place to get boots that are nice enough that nobody will notice they aren't XYZ boots that cost $200.  We don't have to budget quite so creatively.  And it's great.

I am so PROUD that somebody finally woke the whuck up saw in D what I see - a hardworking, intelligent, eager, brimming-with-integrity, man who could do nothing but complement and enhance the department he's working for.  He's NOT expendable.  He's NOT underqualified (all you dumb-shots that pick and choose are) and he's NOT a liability like those unexperienced, over-schooled, not a practical hair on their heads, promotees more than likely are.  He's GREAT.

(I think I'm channeling Tony the Tiger today)

It's a commute.  It's probably a little less time to spend as a family each day.  But MAN, what a change in the QUALITY of the time spent as a family!  Everyone is relaxing a bit, not so on-edge.  Silliness is returning, and that's a relief.  There has been much to little silliness this last little while. 

Change is often difficult.  It can be huge and dark and scary like that creepy house on Clovis Avenue they open for tours every Halloween.  But it can also be the best thing in the world, and turn us into SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS.  (wow - I think I just made myself really old).

Shoooowww, THAAAAAAT'S RIGHT BEATCHES!  He's THERE.  The next step that you all jackholes of the planet tried to keep him knocked off of.  And guess what bitches?  He's already got his foot on the next step up!  THAAAAAT's RIGHT!  F-in A it is!

(note to self - do NOT drink coffee before posting next blog)

A$$es & Attitudes

I don't recall blogging about this.  Posting to my myriad message boards yes, blogging, NOPE.  So to explain...

A few weeks ago, I received "The Call" from Divo's Kindy teacher.  "Mrs. W, I have Divo and a friend here in the office with me.  They were spitting on one another and all of the equipment on the playground and that is not acceptable.  I just wanted to let you know what was going on."  Umm, kayyyyy.  So, what happened?  I mean, I do NOT condone spitting in any way shape or form, but come ON, they were spitting just because it's fun to forcibly hurl bodily fluids?  Really?

I called back and got essentially the same story, but a plethora of additional information:

1. Divo is not finishing his work in class, and it's not coming back in his homework folder.  He won't pass if he does not complete his work.
2. Divo is exhibiting bullying behaviors toward the other children.  This is NOT acceptable, and must be dealt with ASAP.
3. Divo has been losing recess privileges due to his disruptive behavior in class.

Soooooooooowuh.  This information led to several reactions by mom & dad, be they good or bad:

1. Homework and unfinished class work WILL be completed AS SOON AS YOUR BUTT WALKS IN THE DOOR I DON'T CARE IF IT'S HOME OR NANA'S HOUSE.
2. There is NO EXCUSE for hitting/spitting/pushing/shoving/tripping/otherwise acting like an asshat towards anyone.  This includes your brothers.  You have lost the privilege of attending your very first school field trip to the pumpkin patch. 
• This resulted in a full-blown tantrum, complete with wailing, flailing, stomping and door-slamming.  F.U.N.  He lost TV for that.
3. I e-mailed the teacher after speaking with Divo's pre-K teachers about their experience with him (see below)
4. Divo AND Whinemaster got into a slug-fest and they both lost the privilege of Blackbeard's night (which was to be a fun family outing with the big boys, but, welp, we all lost out on that and ended up staring at each other over the dinner table, because TV got taken away too, thanks babe.)

Now, I don't profess to know any all the answers, but after laying down the law, it occurred to me that D-lite and I never actually asked Divo what was going on or why he was acting like an asshat.  So I did, the very next day.

MomFail - Divo, can you tell me why you aren't finishing your work in class?  Kindergarten class?
Divo - Because it's too hard and I can't DO IT (insert wail here).
MomFail - Divo, is it that it's too hard, or that you don't have enough time to do it?  Are you rushing and getting frustrated?
Divo - Mom, Ms. B goes too fast at whiteboard time and I can't do it like the other kids and I get mad when she keeps going and I'm not done yet.
MomFail - Divo, did you know that you can raise your hand and talk to your teacher ANY time you have a problem or a question?  Did you know that it's ok to do things a little different as long as you end up the same? 
Divo - No.  I can? (insert AHHHHH sound with breaking dawn graphic here)
MomFail - Yes bub.  Any time you have a question or you are having trouble, just raise your hand and ask the teacher for more help or more time?  She can't know you are having trouble if you don't tell her so.  It's her job to teach you, so asking for help is important.  I know it's harder for you because you use a different hand than most of the other kids when you write, but that doesn't make you wrong.
Divo - But what if she doesn't help me enough, or what if the other kids get mad?
MomFail - If you don't get enough help, bring your work home for mommy and daddy to help you, or Nana.  I really don't think the other kids are going to get mad; some of them probably need more help or time too, and are just too scared to speak up.  You know how some of your friends just turned 5 right? 
Divo - Yes, but so?  I don't want them to be mad at me.
MomFail - Well, you have been 5 for a whole year, and are going to be 6.  Remember how sometimes you need to look out for and help Whinemaster and Thing because they are littler than you?  It's the same at school.  Sometimes the bigger kids (you) need to speak up because the littler kids don't know they can.
Divo - So it's like I'm helping everyone if I ask questions?  I won't get in trouble for talking?
MomFail - Yes.  The only time you get in trouble for talking is when you don't wait your turn to speak, or you forget to raise your hand first to get permission. 
Divo - okay mom.  I'll try it.  And I'm sorry for the spitting trouble too, but there was a really big spider on the play house and wes trieding to get it off but the girls was scared and then it was crunched up cuz of the spit and it was fun to try and hit it with my spit and then me and Hoodie1 got in trouble for the spitting.

Did you follow any of that?  Still with me here?  Okay. 

I had run into some of the pre-K teachers while dropping off my other two Princes of Destruction, and sent an e-mail to Divo's teacher.

"I recall that Divo's pre-K teachers mentioned that he is easily distracted and becomes bored with activities fairly quickly if they aren't stimulating enough for him, and that he seems to do better being closer to the teacher, rather than out in kid-land all of the time.  They also reminded me (since I ran into them this morning dropping off my other two) that he really needs his recess time to decompress when he hasn't done much active learning (vs. quiet learning at stations or circle time)."

Thankfully, this teacher is very receptive to parent involvement, and seems more than happy to hear what has worked for other teachers in the past.  She's moved him closer to her at circle time, and has actually had the other K teacher come in to work with Divo one-on-one with writing, as her own children are leftys and she's got lots of time in teaching to leftys.  I've also made him a primer of sorts to help him practice both his writing and his sight words, with simple 4-word sentences (I will not spit) and he seems to enjoy doing that, as he's always asking where the book is.

It's been a couple of weeks, and Divo's behavior has been expemplary.  Has he had a few lapses?  Sure!  Has he been unduly penalized because of them?  Nah.  He has actually earned back his field trip as of last night, and has just overall seemed more calm and settled since our talk.  I must also say, D-lite spent and afternoon with Divo over haircuts and Starbuck$, and that too, seemed to make a big impact.

I think we have a tendency to forget that he's only almost 6, and not 16.  He is, in many ways, mature for his age, but we can't keep expecting him to act like it.  He's 6 for crying out loud.  He's going to have the occasional tantrum, he's going to cry, and he is going to act inappropriately at times.  It's our job as parents to TEACH all 3 Princes of Destruction what is and is not acceptable behavior, attitude and affect.  We too, are a work in progress as parents and, well, we are learning that maybe the way we were raised, while good enough for our parents and us at the time, isn't the best way to go about raising our boys.  Just sayin.

Congratulations Baby!

I am just so stinkin' proud of Grumpy right now!  Persistence and patience DO pay off, and he admitted as much to me several weeks ago when he got interviewed for a job with the Tulare City Fire Department.

He hadn't heard anything other than the possibility of second interviews, as they had an internal candidate, Grumps and one other person to choose from.  Well, the original position was filled internally, but then the Chief called up Grumpy for an interview of the "come hang out and look around" variety, as the promotee's former position was open and needed to be filled.

They filled it with Grumpy!!!  Honey, you've worked so hard for this and I am just so happy to see you excited and confident again.  It's so hard to be denied and denied and denied, only to be denied again while watching those less qualified grab what should have been yours.  But you did it, and the long years of applying, waiting, extra classes, extra shifts and (shudder) volunteering in your job have finally paid off.

Of course, with the new job come new logistical problems, but I think we've got it all figured out now.  And I am approved for the whole day off to watch you get "pinned".  Now if you could just tell me what time so I can figure out if we need to spring Aidan out of kindy for the day...

Out of the mouths of babes...

Logan, as he's flipping through the Sunday ads, "Mom, I wishit dad could played football like that." as he points to a photo of a player flying through the air to make an impossible catch.  Before I could come up with a suitable answer, "But he's getting too old for that shit, ooops, I mean crap." 

Aidan, taking to heart the lesson Nana was teaching about Satan and temptation: Nana: "Aidan why did you push your friend for no reason?  Wasn't there anything inside of you telling you that was a wrong choice?"  Aidan: "Well, yeah, but Satan made me do it - he's louder."

Logan, rationalizing his exhibitionist tendencies: "Mom, it's not ok to show people our peenee's right?" Me: "Nope, your penis is part of your private parts and shouldn't be shown to everyone."  Logan: "Yup.  HEY!  Wanna see my fat butt-cheeks?" proceeded to moon me and his godmother. 

Logan: "Mom, what should I call my penis?" Me: "Um, well honey, just call it what it is, a penis."  Logan: "Aidan calls it a pipe.  It's sorta like a pipe.  And sometimes we call it junk, or balls, or nuts.  Why do we call it nuts if you can't eat it?"  Me, struggling not to laugh my ass off: "There are lots of nicknames for body parts, like we call toes piggies, and your head is your noggin.  Those are all just nicknames for a body part that people get embarrassed talking about."  Logan: "It's my lite-savor (lightsaber a la Star Wars)." runs out of the room "Aidan!  Wanna play lite-savor fight???!!!"  I just had to shake my head and let it go.  Aidan wasn't about to whip it out for a sword fight - he's been hurt too many times!

Ahhh the joys of boys.

Is it really October?

 Where did the year go?!  Thing is now 1 and officially a TODDLER.  He will even be going to the toddler daycare classroom starting on Tuesday - I'm a little sad :(

Divo is looking forward to his first field trip, and Whinemaster-Lo is chomping at the bit to get back to "school".  Apparently I don't do enough "fun" things when I'm home from work, and I never take them to the park anymore.  Boo-whuckin-hoo.

As a result of the Toilet Incident of 2010, we will be getting new tile in all of the bathrooms, AND in the kitchen starting on Monday!  I can't wait! 

Unfortunately, D-lite is being a bit of a pain about the whole 'nobody can be in the house while the crew is working' thing.  Umm, how many people have to personally vouch for a licensed, bonded, CHRISTIAN man before you will allow him to do the job he is being paid to do?

GET. OVER. IT.

So it's Friday.  And the only thing I HAVE to do this weekend is take the old cable boxes back to comcast, because we got Direct TV which is waaaaaay cheaper and so far totally rocks!  Seriously, we are getting more channels for about 1/3 less than we paid the money-grubbing, paycheck-sucking wonderful, customer-service-oriented cable people to continually have "outages" in our area, zap out box during crucial 'Star Wars the Clone Wars' episodes, and lose all of our DVR programs.

Can I just say that WOW Direct, your appointment interval was 4 - 8 pm.  I fully expected to see you around 8:30 pm, as my previous experiences with the entity named above had prepared me.  Imagine my surprise (knock me over with a feather!) when your very courteous, well-mannered & tolerant installer arrived at 4:18 and apologized for being late!  Now THAT's customer service!

I don't even have to cook tonight.  Plopped some taters and a big 'ol turkey boob in the crock pot before I ran out of the house late this morning, so dinner will be ready when I walk in the door.  I love that.

Oh, I have to thank Steph at CrockPot 365 for all of the wonderful recipes!  Especially since I'll be crockpotting all week next week, what with my kitchen all over the house :)

For all you moms out there viewing my blog (all 3 of you!), you HAVE to check out Rants From Mommyland.  It's frickin HILARIOUS.  And so relatable!

Aaaaaand on that note, I'm back to work.  Sort of.  After all, it's FRIDAY!

Randomness

I can't tell you how much I LOVE coming home to a tidy house, and an empty sink.  I truly adore my MIL and endlessly appreciate all that she's done for us the past month, what with taking care of the THING and WHINEMASTER-Lo, picking up after our slobby asses no matter how many times we tell her not to bother, and dealing with the pee-sheets on a daily basis even though I'd personally rather make #1 sleep in the pee-bed again since he only seems to pee after he wakes up but is just to whuckin lazy to get his bubble butt out of bed and walk 11 steps across the hall to the damn bathroom.


On the flip side...
D-lite has been a WHOPPING HUGE ZERO in the housework help department, as he is no longer required to do the dishes after dinner lest he lose the privilege of a hot meal next day.  And all that clean laundry?  It's piled up on top of the dresser with the other clean laundry that actually got dusty because he never puts it away in the dresser it's sitting on.  Um, 6 inches lower and a simple arm-movement can remedy that situation D-lite.  I think he was a bit proud of himself for remembering trash day this week, although he did forget to empty the compactor in the kitchen, and now the bag is so muthafrackin full and heavy that only a crane could remove it from the bin. 


The boys have morphed into mouthy, entitled monsters.  Well, worse ones.  THING has managed to convince Rama that he needs to have a bottle to take a nap.  So. Not. True.  He's gonna have a rude awakening week after next when he returns to daycare!  WHINEMASTER-Lo has become even more of a garbage disposal of groceries than ever before.  Not sure if it's because he's spending, oh, 90% of his day in front of the boob tube, or because he's making up for all the times he refused to eat because he felt like crap from the thing growing in his butt.  Either way, he's a freakin black hole for food.  And INCREDIBLE, SENSATIONAL, GUINNESS-BOOK WORTHY WHINING!  Seriously!  I have NEVER heard a kid whine more often or with more skill.  Again, rude awakening coming.


Aaaaand the DIVO, #1.  Apparently he's acquired more skills at kindergarten than just reading and writing.  Like say, hmmm, a flailing arm, foot-stomping temper tantrum.  And a screeching, demanding voice to answer any question asked of him, resulting in the need to stop by Von's tonight for more hot sauce (which, by the way, is apparently the only punishment these kids understand lately).  I can't even look at this kid without him screeching "I AM!" at the top of his voice and stomping his feet.  Oh MAUDE I wish his day still included a nap!


Of course, we all know just how sweet and even-tempered I have remained throughout these wonderful evolutions of character.  I totally got my B on this morning when #1 started throwing shoes and yelling at me.  WHINEMASTER-Lo was patiently waiting in the car (Friday is donut day) and informed me that HE wasn't yelling.  Oh. So. Helpful!


And last night was Grey's night.  All I wanted was an hour of peace to watch my show and drink a glass of wine.  D-lite insisted yet again that I am an alcoholic going thru bottles of wine a week (um, this particular bottle had been sitting in the rack for over a month and I had 1 glass!), and went back to the computer in a huff, toting THING when I expressed my displeasure at his repeated bashing of a toy ambulance on the glass coffee table.  As if D-lite NEVER says a cross word to the kids when HIS show is on ;)


Did I mention that I spend WAY tooo much time on FaceBook and it's mind-sucking games per D-lite?  I should be hanging out with him in the living room, bored to manslaughter and watching yet another rerun of The Unit or some other military/gun/car/tattoo show because it's oh-so-much-fun for me to do that when he bites my head off for breathing too loud during the show.


Oh, am I RANTING? (smiles sweetly and bats eyes)


Yeah, I have a hard life, I know.  I had my MIL stay with us for a month so we could save a craptastic amount of $ on childcare and pay off some debt.  I got free housecleaning and laundry-folding for that same month.  I got the creepiness that is someone other than me touching my undies (thank maude she didn't put anything away in my undy drawer or we may never be able to look each other in the eyes again!). 


Can I tell you a secret??  I can't freaking wait to have 3 kids too tired to say boo rather than whine at me, a pile of laundry to fold on the couch and a hubby who puts off doing the dishes until 10 pm because he wants to eat tomorrow.  On that note, I have to go program my cell phone to remind me to pick up Gavin & Papa's b-day cake tomorrow.

Winding down...

The third week of Kindy is almost over, and Aidan has done quite well.  He has already passed his first "test" - recognizing all of the letters of the alphabet, caps and lows, in random order.  Now it's on to matching Caps to lows, setting all letters in alpha order and one other exercise I can't remember right now.  He's become so "grown-up" lately I can't even describe it.  The no naps thing is wearing on all of us, but overall, he's doing quite well.

Logan is healing nicely.  We won't talk about the horrible rash he's got from the antibiotics.  Or the poop on the floor at least once a day because he tries to hold it thinking it's going to hurt to go still.  I'm almost to the point of getting him some pull-ups, but I really don't want him running around with wet against his butt either.  So we rinse poop-streaked chonies and clean the poop floor.  Over and over and over again.  But his color is back, he's getting his energy back, and he's returning to the little nutcase we all know and love.

Gavin is just growing by leaps and bounds!  He started walking on August 19th, and is thisclose to running.  He's finally got those bottom two teeth to stay through, and is working on the tops and molars now.  He's a very silly guy, and loves to hide in the curtain and shriek until you ask where Gavin went. ;)  It's his version of peek-a-boo. 

Gloria (mother-in-law) is staying with us this month so we can save $$ on childcare.  I can't tell you how nice it's been not to have to wrangle 3 cranky kids every morning!  And despite telling her not to worry about tidying up, it's sooooo nice to come home to a tidy house!  I'm very blessed (and spoiled) to have such wonderful family willing to help us out! 

Much love and hugs to my mom, my mother-in-law and the rest of the family for all of help they have been giving and just for all of the wonderful loving care they provide for our boys.

Just a few more hours

and Logan will be in surgery.  We have to report in at 6 am, so it will be a VERY early morning for us!  We are so blessed to be able to have Darwin's mom here to watch the guys for us this month, and for my mom to be able to shuttle Aidan around while we worked out the school schedule kinks this last week. 

Prayers and positive thoughts will be much appreciated tomorrow, as Logan goes in for his fistula repair.  Praying that this clears everything up, and he has no more problems.  I do have to say that I'm worried about him; he's been complaining about his eyes hurting for the last few days.  He's sleeping well, but either this infection is just wearing him out, or he's got something else going on.  Praying it's the infection, and that the eye pain goes away soon once the infection is dealt with.

Aidan starts Campus Club tomorrow - another first after a long, difficult week of craziness.  I'm hoping that he adjusts easily, and settles in with his new friends.  Apparently he's already got a posse - Isaiah and Ramiro are his buddies of the moment.  I haven't had any reports from the teacher, so I'm keeping a positive outlook!  Aidan and his buds in Pre-K were self-named the "Beasties".  Yeah, imagine the possibilities.

Going to sign off soon - it's an early day tomorrow!

Ick, and other fun tidbits

Put a call in to Dr. Chavez today about Logan.  In the week between his visit with her and our consult with the surgeon, Logan had lost almost 5 pounds.  When I picked him up yesterday (which I generally avoid doing out of respect for my back) he felt even lighter, and he's been eating only peas, grapes and oatmeal. 


SOOOOOO.  We have to do some poop tests to rule out a c.Diff infection (fun times for me).  I just love fishing for poop with 3 boys elbowing in for the best viewing area.  Hopefully he can "produce" tonight and we can get the


Have to get him some Tums and some Lactaid too, since all of the abx he's been on probably tore up his tummy and screwed up his ability to digest dairy.


His surgery is scheduled for the 31st, but I hope we can figure out why he's so not himself (more so than the other times he's had fistula flares) and get him feeling better before then!

It's surgery for Logan...

Well, we saw the pediatric surgeon today.  Dr. Tamura is a very nice, very thorough physician.  He went through the progression of Logan's abscess, all of our history, and kept him involved the entire time.  Of course, no matter how much Logan liked him, he was NOT going to let anybody "pinch" his butt!

I'm really glad that Darwin was able to make it this morning.  We actually had to hold the poor kid down so the doctor could get a good look at the abscess.  Apparently it's not looking bad this morning - getting a nice puss-y head on it, but not really red.  Logan was very unhappy, but looked relieved when nobody tried to pop his butt.

A few white-board diagrams later, Dr. Tamura had explained that what Logan likely has is a sort of tunnel between his butt cheek and the inside of his rectum.  Bacteria grows there, and slowly fills the tunnel, until it reaches the outer edge and forms a pustule under the skin.  These are apparently fairly common in children.  Best course (since we've done at least 6 rounds of abx so far!) is to go in endoscopically, and follow the tunnel to it's inner opening.  Cauterize the opening and continue cautery on the way back out.  The idea is that the tunnel will fill in with scar tissue, blocking the acess and curing the problem. 

But there's a kicker.  Apparently these types of abscesses can proliferate throughout the body, and they don't always manifest where you can see them.  The hope right now is that this is the only one, it can be cured, and will not recur anywhere else.  The other hope is that Logan's upset tummy, sore throat and sore mouth is due to his current round of antibiotics, and not to diffuse disease. 

Surgery is scheduled for August 31.  It seems we will get a call sometime the day before with instructions on surgical prep, arrival time, etc.  Seems an odd way to do it, but whatever.  The first available was the 24th, but Darwin has an out of town class that whole week, and Aidan starts school on the 23rd, Campus Club on the 24th, and all of that with surgery and a convalescent kid would have been WAY too much for me on my own!

I'm praying that the current abscess calms down enough so that Logan can get through a day without Tylenol or Motrin (which he has not been able to do for 4 days now).  Prayers and positive thoughts welcomed!

I'm done.

As if the butt-cyst, ear infection and sinus infection weren't enough, Gavin decided to spike a fever last night, and he's apparently been a bit of a crabby patty today for Nana.  Well, to be honest, I'm exhausted because he was a grump-a-saurus all night too.  At least the parts I was awake for, which was, oh, from about 1 am to 5 am.  I think.  I'm a little fuzzy on the deets, since I'm running on my 5th or 6th night not getting to bed before midnight because of sick kids, and then not sleeping all night because of sick kids either trying for a new instrument-less pneumonectomy by cough in the next room, or sick kids climbing into my bed then falling out and smashing a lamp.

I did finally get Gavin to sleep for a bit in the old bouncy seat.  He's so heavy that his butt almost touches the floor, but hey, whatever works!

D is not happy because I've been making him wake up and suffer the perils of parenting with me, rather than letting him sleep the night away in blissful ignorance.  Those days are OVER baby!  I'm SO not into being a martyr.  Makes for a pissy hubby, but oh well!  Misery loves company and all that rot.

On another note, we sold the "extra" fridge, so YAY!  I checked our meter on www.pge.com, and it looks like our usage has already gone down some, just since getting rid of the thing.  And Tuesday I discovered that our A/C program was not set correctly - it was thinking that am was pm and Tuesday was Saturday, so I reprogrammed, and that is showing already too!  Here's to hoping that next months' bill is under $500!  Damn valley heat...

Poor Logan!

So, you may not know that Logan has been fighting a peri-anal abscess since February of 2008.  We've had multiple courses of antibiotics, and the thing has come and gone.  It swells up, gets really painful, and then cracks open (thankfully usually in the tub!).  Once he was out of diapers & pull-ups we thought we were through with the nasty thing. 

Well, over the weekend, he started complaining that his stomach and booty hurt.  Sunday night he was just crying in pain, and with the head cold on top of it, he was miserable.  I finally just asked to see his butt, and there it was.  About the size of a pea, angry red and hard.  Poor baby!

Took him in yesterday.  Went over the history with our ped, Dr. Chavez (who we love!).  She did a very thorough checkup, and decided to go ahead with some Septra for the abscess and for the fluid collecting in his right ear, hopefully head off an infection there.  She also started calling for a surgical consult, and we went out for labs and such as well, to try and determine if this is just a run-of-the-mill abscess, or if it's actually a deeper, larger fistula (which is what we are leaning toward, given the 2-year history).

So now we are waiting.  We've got abx and pain meds (since it's painful to sit) and hopefully will be able to see the surgeon this week.

Continuing the spread of great news, a friend of mine was diagnosed last week with breast cancer - she is my age!  Today is her oncology consult, so any prayers you want to shoot Jaime's way would be appreciated.  Ben's dad is holding his own and so far doing ok, but prayers for him are also welcome.  Thankfully our family is relatively healthy for now, and hoping to stay that way.

School starts in a few weeks, and thus a new chapter in the book 'Wild Workman'.

Happy Birthday Darwin!

And mom.  We had a great day celebrating the two of you.  But it was a little strange to have everyone over to the house.  Our house, formerly your house.  But still nice. 


The pool felt awesome, the kids were exhausted, the cake was divine.  What more can you ask of a summer party?

61 days and counting

61 days, 21 hours and 5 minutes until Aidan goes to Kindergarten.  But I'm not counting, nor do I have a widget on my computer counting for me! 

He is so excited - every day he has to confirm the name of his school before he gets out of bed.  Then he wants to make sure it's the one across the street, and that Go Jags! is still appropriate.  Then it's "They gotta t-bal team?"  Which I suppose I need to look in to now.

Along with budgeting for school clothes and supplies, the logistical nightmare of drop-off and pick-up, and the lovely fact that we don't get his classroom (or am/pm!) assignment until Back-to-School night, which is only 3 days before school starts!  How the hell I'm supposed to submit a Campus Club schedule a month in advance when I don't know his school schedule is beyond me.

Until then, it's Pre-K days.  No logistics, no crazy schedule.  Just.  Blessed.  Normalcy.

Slow down baby!

Tuesday - crab-crawling.
Friday - speed crawling.
Saturday - spinning, backward speed crawling, pulling up on the coffee table & couch.
Sunday - CRUISING the coffee table and couch!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Slow Down Gavin! Mommy is not ready yet!
He can't negotiate corners yet, but he's figured out how to navigate the short distance between the couch and table - spreads legs impossibly wide, then lunges over to the opposite surface. Works better going to the table than the couch, since he usually bounces off the couch but STILL!


I really need to order those gates....

Loopholes

Apparently, Logan has a talent for finding the loophole in just about any instruction I give him.  Recently, we've been working on tattling.  It's not nice, and I don't like hearing it, two things I've been trying to impress upon his 3-year old brain for quite some time.

The other day, Logan comes to me with "Momma, I love you.  I'M not throwing things over the fence."  It took me a minute to figure out what he was saying.  But he wasn't "technically" tattling, since he was talking about himself, right?

Ahh the way a child's mind works!

Blog is UP!

Ok, so I've been hemming and hawing about doing this for a while now. I figured it was time to put up or shut up, and, as you can see, I've put up.

I can't believe April is 1/2 over already! The time seems to fly by faster each day. Last night my baby pulled himself up on the tub, and later was trying to crawl toward his toy basket - I'm not ready for that! Logan has figured out how to dress himself all by himself, and Aidan, well, Aidan likes to cook his own canadian bacon, load the washer, change the sheets on his bed, and put away laundry. Yes folks, he's 5.

Looks like my guys are growing up on me. Sometimes I just with they would slow down a little!

Last night I was treated to a jar full of roly-poly bugs. Night before it was a handful of slugs, and the night before that it was two of the biggest snails I've ever seen in my life. Darwin tried to convince me last night that we will have a pet snake in a couple of years. Over my cold, dead body! We'll get a pet snake when we get a pet tarantula, since he reacts to spiders the same way I react to snakes!

Of course, along with all of the garden pests came gorgeous azalea blooms, freshly plucked from my bushes, 'because, because, girls (yer a GURL mom?) like flowers cause they smell.'

I so love my boys!