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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Rollie Eyes and other Mother-Magic

Apparently, I have super-powers.  I know!  How awesome is that?!  I did not even know half of this stuff, but then again, I am also sorely lacking in the knowledge of super-heros area.  Just ask my boys.

Here are my powers, in no particular order:

  1. Rollie Eyes - eyes that turn around and see stuff out my ears and hair.  Generally used to catch small boys committing acts otherwise forbidden in my house/car/breathing space. 
  2. Sneaky Feet - Honestly, I thought he said 'stinky' feet at first, and I was ready to act all hurt and abused, but, he enunciated again, and now I get it.  Used in conjunction with Rollie Eyes, Sneaky Feet enable the user to stealthily approach small children and pets, usually for the purpose of scaring the crap out of them and/or catching them committing acts otherwise forbidden...yadda yadda yadda.
  3. Thinking - I know what you're thinking.  I have 3 boys, when do I have time to think?  I was informed that Thinking becomes a super power when I use it to devise ever more horrifying punishments, including extra mommy-made homework, scrubbing the dogs' water dish and finding the source of the pee-smell in the playroom by sniffing the carpet.  What?  Was that gross?
  4. Quietness - which apparently works by instilling fear.  The quieter I am, the more nervous they get, although, I wish they would just get quieter too.
  5. Stickyness - ok, so I probably brought this on myself.  Boys love to try and wipe off mommy-kisses.  I've always told my boys that my kisses can't wipe or wash off, because they are full of love-glue, which is stronger than gorilla glue or teal duct tape.  I was recently reduced to incoherent snuffling by TT2, who told me that he was very upset after getting an owie at daycare, and all he wanted was a kiss and hug from mommy.  Then he remembered that he's covered in them, because they don't come off, and he felt better.  True story (sniff).
  6. Sniffy-ness - also known as the shite-sniffer.  I can smell a poopy butt at 40 paces, and pinpoint the cheese-cutter in a room full of people.  I can also tell you exactly what in the trash is stinking, and remind you I told you not to put it in there in the first place.
Now, I never really would have attributed any of the above to myself.  Well, maybe #6.  I would have thought having the gag-reflex of a sword-swallower would be more of a super-power, since I am accosted by a kid with poop-covered hands at least twice a week.  I get that he wants to wipe, but dude, for the love of Maude grab the tp first! 

It's heartening to know that the very things that annoy my kids the most also seem to make me a super hero.  At least to one of them, and well, I'll take that any day.

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Gimme some love and tell me what you think! No really, I can take it. I'll just double-up on those anti-depressants first.

I may not be able to reply back quickly (I am a mom after all), but I read each and every word you type!