Additional Awesomeness...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Picture this....

Second car back in line at the Panda Express Drive-Thru.  Without warning, screeching, shrieking, absoloutely PIERCING noises erupt from the vehicle.  Said vehicle begins bouncing and jouncing, up and down, side to side.

Meanwhile, inside this bastion of insanity...
     "Mom, is yer winnda wolld up?" asks Whinemaster
     "Yes, Thank GOD!  Otherwise people might think a troop of crazed monkeys was in this car!"

Crazed shrieking is now accompanied by monkey-esqe noises.  Without warning,
     "What kinda munkies?"

I stare in shock before narrowly avoiding total loss of bladder control from gut-busting laughter.  I wonder what the clerk thought when she handed me those kids meals.

Friday, December 17, 2010

It just melts my heart

Disneyland was good.  It was long, and it was fun times.  But the one thing I will remember most had NOTHING TO DO WITH DISNEYLAND.  Other than the fact that we were there when it happened.

Miss Del (my co-worker and honorary grandmother to the boys), had given me some dinero for the boys to buy something from Disney from her for Christmas.  Of course they were overjoyed to have their very own spending money, and spent lots of time deciding just what to get.

Whinemaster opted for two smaller items: Disney Matchbox Jumbo Jet (neon green and covered with the disembodied heads of Mickey, Minnie and the gang) and a Mickey Mouse figurine that he is insisting we somehow put on the Christmas tree as an "Onnahmunt".  He was overjoyed to receive $4.82 change.

Divo spent considerably longer making his choice.  He rejected the offerings at no less than 7 shops before deciding on a really cool light-up light-saber-ish sword thing that will make you dizzy if you stare at it.  Total cost was $10.01, and so he had $10 in change (I supplied the extra penny).

Of course, Whinemaster was upset that HE did not see those "weddy weddy kewl lipe-savors", and commenced the whiney-beggy-borderline-tantrum-y war on mommy's completely sane "I'm sorry honey but you don't have enough money for a sword".

Fast forward about 2 hours, on our way out of the park.  We walk up to the very last vendor of the light-up crap stuff, and the beggy-ness returns.  We look around for something Whinemaster can purchase for his $4.82, and determine that he can afford a necklace if he can get another 18 cents.  Divo has been quietly observing this whiney war for the last few hours and decides the time has come to make his move. 

Just as Whinemaster is about to make his selection and hand over the cash, Divo walks up, brandishing his two crumpled $5 bills.  "Whiney, Whiney, it's okay, I'll getcha that lightsaber."  The look of utter blissful astonishment on my middle son's face was beautiful, as was the aura of pride and accomplishment surrounding my firstborn as he proudly handed over his cash and indicated which sword he wanted for his brother.  Heart Melting.

Whinemaster then thrust his leftover cash at Divo along with a hug.  They both turned away, and noticed their sleeping baby brother.  As one, they turned back to the cart, and got 20 cents from papa for a $5 light up necklace for Thing.  Because he needed something lighty too.

The moral of the story
Just because they try to rip one another's limbs off, bite to scar and basically annoy the living crap out of one another doesn't mean they don't love and take care of each other.  Words can't describe the love and pride I felt in that moment.  Right up until Whiney bashed Divo in the finger with his new lipesabor.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Christmas Cheer. Or not.

I can’t believe there are only 15 days left until Christmas!!! 15! Where the hell did this year go? I mean, seriously, when did time grow wings? I remember when summer and holiday vacations lasted forever, and now they just fly by in a blur of family commitments and juggled schedules.
Of course, that was back in the day when it was Christmas Vacation and not “Winter Break”, and we had Easter Holidays rather than “Spring Break”. At least Thanksgiving is still Thanksgiving. Well, at least until some crazy lefty hanging on by their fingertips figures out how to make that more PC so we don’t offend someone.
I used to love the holidays. Still do for the most part. But man the ATTITUDES of people! I was backing out of a parking stall the other day, conscientiously looking both ways and backing slowly, when, from out of nowhere, this silver Dodge Charger flies up and stops. Mind you, I’m ½ way out of the parking spot by now, and there is a car patiently waiting on the other side.
The jackhole in the Charger starts yelling and gesticulating about how I should be more careful, and how I can’t be saving spots for people and how I almost totaled his car. WHUCK?! YOU are the jackhole who almost side-swiped ME you lame-o! And, to make it better, he followed me to my next stop. I was seriously ready to throw down on this jerk. Of course, then my 3 kids started singing Jingle Bells (well, two did) and he just got back in his car and zipped back out onto the street.
SERIOUSLY? What the hell happened to holiday spirit and good cheer? Oh wait, I know the answer! Consumerism and greed and parents who succumb to their angels’ every whim. I can honestly say that I am not one of those parents. Santa tries to bring the single most wished-for gift on the list, and mommy & daddy do the rest. He’s a busy guy, that Santa, making toys for every kid in the world who believes in him.
Am I rambling? I feel like I’m rambling. I must be rambling.

Anyway. To offset all of this holiday good will, the ‘rents are treating me and the kiddies to a Disney trip this month! And that happy event commences in less than a week! I haven’t told the boys yet. I figure I’ll tell them once we get on the road. They’ve been pretty darn good lately (that naughty list threat works wonders!), but I don’t want to jinx it. Which I’ve probably done by writing about it, but oh well.
So now I’m off to deliver Christmas cheer to some co-workers in the form of next week’s meeting materials. The meeting I don’t have to go to, because I’ll be in DISNEYLAND SNITCHES!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

It's THAT time again...

the time of year when everyone and everything is to be joyful and happy and full of glittery-glitz.  Except me, cause I am SO not feeling the holidays this year that it's not even close to being a tiny bit funny.

I've always been "that" mom.  You know, the one who decorates after the Thanksgiving dinner dishes are done.  The one who plays Christmas music while cleaning house without complaint, often with help from my strangely compliant things children.  The one who sweetly coerces the hubs to brave the frosty roof and potential rain to light up the entire front of the house for an astonishing amount of cash and the cache of being the brightest house in the neighborhood.  I'm the one who called ahead to the store and had the exact stuff I wanted put on hold so I did not have to brave interaction with the other completely insane holiday sale shoppers out there. 

Yeah.  That WAS me.  Until this year.

I've got 3 kids under 6.  I've got a full-time job and a husband with at 2-hour commute.  I've got to pay daycare before I can think about getting the Christmas toys out of layaway hock at Toys R Us Hell.  I got rid of my 12-year old K-mart fake-o tree this summer, so I still don't have a tree up, though do hope to remedy that on Thursday.  I don't have a single light on the house either.

And I failed.  Of all the things in the closet, I did at least put out the Advent calendar, and the "elves" have been visiting every night.  Except last Saturday night.  Because I suck enormous hairy donkey testicles and had a huge brain-fart.  I FORGOT.  And poor Divo was crushed becuase the elves thought he was bad and did not bring him any candy so I "had" to use one of my 2 calls to the North Pole to rectify the sich-u-a-shun.  So the elves decided that the boys really were good and brought them goodies at naptime.  Which should have been a dead give-away, but I suppose since I said I was in the garage the whole time cleaning my car and said car is now clean...

So I'm not "In the Mood".  Yet.  I'm hoping, but it could have gone the way of the unicorn.