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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Kid Faux-Pas

So, it's one thing to take 2 boys to an annual check-up.  It's quite another thing when they are MY boys.

Case in point -
     Saw the ped today for Divo's 6-year annual checkup and Whiney's 4-year.  Whiney sits semi-quietly on my lap whilst Divo is examined and questioned.  No real issues, until we start getting in to the subject of bowel habits. Divo has recently been diagnosed with SEVERE constipation, and has been taking several different concoctions to alleviate the problem.
  Whiney - "Divo takes the gummy thingies, but I never gets no gummies and it's nawt faiuh"
  Divo - "He, he, he, he doesn't need no stinkin' gummies cause he just poops ALL THE TIME."
  Whiney - "heh heh, yeah, I pewp ev'y time I go pee, and sometimes I pewp - HEY!  Thing pewped in the BATHTUB last nite huh huh huh, and I picked it up when it fell out his butt on the floor and I fushed it in the terlet but the big fat tud was still in da woter so, so, me n Divo, we waded till it was stuck in the sucker (drain) and then, huh huh huh, den, yeah, we POKED IT."
   Divo - "laughs like psycho Yeah, and it gotted stuk and den, and then, oh, and then we poked it with the stop-plug thingie and it went sorta down and it gotted stucked again and then, and then, we LEFT IT THERE.  And today, I went pee, and it STINKED in the bathwoom like dirty dipows! insert maniacal laughing here

And then there was the conversation about Whiney's penchant for gas and all the nasty variations of it.  Lurid descriptions of chonie-streaks, chonie-chunks and how Whiney will fawt on Divos' nose after bath and it burns because it's so, just SO BISDUSTING.

Nevermind the quick genital exam - Divo was fine, he just laid there and smirked (kind of creepy-like, like the kid in high school who you know pictures everyone naked and goes in the locker rooms to, well, let's not go there.
Whiney, on the other hand, LURVES his penis, and makes mention of it quite often.  The "quick check" of the dude and his friends netted this gem: 
   Doctor: "Theres the little guy and there is one friend, oh! Hello....and there is the other friend."
  Whiney:  "Yup, that's mah peenie - it jumps around when it's happy - must like you. snicker snicker

And everyone was happy until the needles came out.  Total buzz-kill.

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