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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Vacation? What vacation?

Seriously, I need to open a resort JUST for moms looking for a real, honest-to-maude vacation. 

A vacation where where nobody needs wiping down, hosing off or force-feeding. 

A vacation where nobody climbs into anyone elses' bed at 2 am looking for something. 

A vacation where nobody gives mommy stink-eye because the kids are screaming like banshees because there are no chicken nuggets on the menu.

A vacation where there are no bumps, bruises, fights, bites or other stupidity-induced.

A vacation where mom can SLEEP IN without someone (ahem babe) walking into the room every 5 minutes demanding to know if you intend to sleep all day.

A vacation where mom can eat her meal without paying any kid tax.  Likewise, her meal can be eaten while at it's intended temperature.

A vacation where mom can nap in the middle of the afternoon without waking suddenly to find a crayola-fied coffee table, a carpet full of the chips that were forbidden until after dinner, or anything flooded or otherwise wet.

Yes ladies, I am talking about a vacation ABSOLUTELY ALONE.  No men.  No kids.  No phones. No e-mail.  No fax.  In short, not one single distraction or reason to think about the little tyrants for as long as you wish.

I'll provide free activities, free alcohol and dinner you didn't have to shop for or cook. 

Of course, you will supply the tanning oil, smutty romance novels and The Guilt.  The Guilt, unfortunately, comes standard with every kid-free outing known to mom-kind.

It was nice dream while it lasted though, right?

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Gimme some love and tell me what you think! No really, I can take it. I'll just double-up on those anti-depressants first.

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