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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Ingenuity, Imagination, and other Enemies of the Toddler's Mom

So.  As most moms of pre-schoolers know, the imagniation is a VERY powerful tool.  It turns bedsheet tents into castles, stuffed lambs into dragons, and the favorite blankie into a flying carpet.  Imagination is good.

Until it meets INGENUITY. 

Ingenuity is the bane of my existence.  TT3 is going to be renamed soon.  His new name shall be MacGyver.  How many kids can climb the face of a stainless steel fridge using their feet?  The child stacks random toys, furniture and laundry baskets until he achieves the most stable ladder/staircase possible, then proceeds to mount the 8-foot bookcase, or deposit a binkie in the dining room chandelier for safekeeping.  He knows how to use a screwdriver, hammer, drill and any spray bottle he comes across.  He is obsessed with taking about my vacuum and using the parts for crazy experiments.  He is not yet 2.

The child convinced his big brothers to daisy-chain bungee cords together, and string them from the upstairs railing down to the bottom handrail, then proceeded to show them how it might be possible to shimmy up the contraption to the top.  Thankfully, he did not make it halfway before his weight sagged the cords.

No crayons, pens, pencils, paint or paper?  Use your own poop and the wall!  Or the crib currently penning you in your big-boy bed!  Or the bed!  Or the back of the dresser!  Or the stair rail!  It makes an excellent hair-styling medium.  He told me he was making a 'moh-awk.  Nike Ayedah.'  (a mohawk, like Aidan).  Now, I'm told imitation is the best sort of compliment, but I don't think that imitating a hairstyle using poop is a compliment at all.  Call me crazy.

Then there are the cases of using shampoo to make the "slide" in the tub faster.  The slide is just the angled part of the back of the tub.  The kids' tub just happens to have less of an angle, making them actually slide once they get the teeny tushie backed up to the top.  It's actually pretty hilarious.  Until the tsunami of dirty bubble-water hits the floor.

And the using of daddys belt to make it easier to ride the dog.  Because it's just like the cowboys on TV use to 'wie da boos.  Noo-noo da boos.'  Poor Lucy, she puts up with such humiliation. Do dogs feel humiliation?  Probably.

Did you know that you can stand at the bathroom door and...well, lets just say it involves the vacuum cleaner hose attachment and "junk".  I'll leave you to your fertile imaginations.

I could go on.  And on.  And on.  But I won't.  I feel I've left you with enough disturbing imagery for one day.

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Gimme some love and tell me what you think! No really, I can take it. I'll just double-up on those anti-depressants first.

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